It's Butter, But It's Not--Except It Is

Both my thumbs up for this product, because it combines two of the things I constantly vasillate between in the kitchen. I use Smart Balance for almost everything that calls for butter or margarine, but there are some situations when you really need butter--like for browning in baking or sauteeing...this, to me is a good solution, and I was happy to find it in my grocery store the other day. It comes in a "regular" version, and the one shown here, which has added Omega-3 (in the form of fish oil, which somehow doesn't affect the flavor) fatty acids in it, and it costs about the same as name-brand butter at my store.

Ford's "Driving Skills For Life" Program

Alex and I had the opportunity, courtesy of the Ford Motor Fund, to take a little overnight jaunt to Chicago on Mother's Day to observe and take part in their "Driving Skills For Life" program. It's a safety program geared toward teen drivers, in which the kids get hands-on experience behind the wheel, guided by professional drivers. The exercises concentrated on things like hazard recognition, reaction time, speed, and vehicle handling.

We had an uneventful flight (well, once we got on the plane, anyway) into Chicago on Mother's Day, and were met by a very pleasant driver, who would prove to be a nice counterpoint to the next day's surly driver. Alex wasted no time at all in making himself right at home in the limo.

We arrived in downtown Chicago with plenty of time to check into our well-appointed suite at the Embassy Suites hotel, relax a bit, and get ready for dinner. At the nice, not-too-early, not-too-late hour of 6:00PM, we gathered in the hotel lobby with our hosts from Ford and Social Media Group, and headed out to Maggiano's Little Italy, where we were treated to an enormous "family style" meal.

The food was good, and more than plentiful, and the company was interesting and engaging. Seated closest to me, representing Ford, so that we were able to visit a bit, were Ford spokesman Wes Sherwood, and Vice-President of Sustainability, Environment and Safety Engineering, Sue Cischke.

Wes and I had a common bond in that we both have 5-year-olds who will be starting kindergarten in the fall, so we had plenty to talk about there! The Ford folks at our table that night didn't seem to have very much background in social media (double-kudos to them for hiring a liaison who is social-media savvy), so much of our conversation was centered around The Way Of The Internet. It's obvious to me that big companies NEED go-betweens to help get their messages out to the online community--and there's nothing wrong with that! These are busy people in high-powered, high-stress careers, who don't have time to be blog-surfing or Twittering all day long. At the same time, Ford Motor Company obviously does have some internet-savvy folks among their ranks, as evidenced by their Flickr stream. Check it out--what they've done there is very, very smart: They have a good Flickr presence, with high-quality, well-described and tagged professional photos which they've made free for anyone's use. They also use the account to comment on others' photos, and add their own photos to all applicable Flickr groups, for maximum exposure. Smart, smart, SMART.

In conversation with Wes, I sensed a sincere desire on the part of Ford to connect with bloggers, their readers, and the consumer in general--this was not a slick, fake "shill" in the least. This was a regular guy, dedicated to his job, and honestly excited about the opportunities ahead, especially the importance of the DSFL program.

I could have spent another several hours listening to Sue Cischke, too. This is an inspiring woman doing a BIG job, and she has an amazing amount of knowledge over a broad area of expertise in her industry. I was most excited to hear her describing some of the research that's being done right now in developing new fuel sources...if I give you my dumbed-down version of that conversation, it's this: CARS WILL RUN ON GARBAGE. OK, so, yeah, I'm over-simplifying. But it's coming, I tell you! I came away with the feeling that, if I'd asked Sue, "So, where are our flying cars?" she'd have explained to me just how far along the flying-car research is at this point in time. Long story short (too late for that?), I was quite impressed by Sue.

We were able to get back to the hotel at a very decent hour, which, after the madcap pace of the J&J event, I really appreciated, especially since we had to be checked out and ready to go at 8:00 the next morning. Alex and I rolled out at the appointed time the next day, had a lovely breakfast of custom-made omelets in the company of the lovely Zoe Siskos of Social Media Group, and then went outside into a beautiful Chicago morning to wait for the car service to come and take us to Cellular Field (home of the White Sox) for the DSFL program. And we waited. And waited. An hour and a half we waited, apparently due to some mix-up with the car service (their fault, thankyouverymuch). Because of that delay, we missed part of the DSFL program--the "hazard recognition" portion, specifically.

We were, however, able to catch most of the program, and got to observe the teenage audience soaking in the talks given by Ford's professional drivers, all of whom seemed to have racing backgrounds.

The first session we observed focused on distractions, and many of the teens seemed genuinely surprised at how easily their attention was taken off the road, as the professional drivers riding along with them moved their mirrors, messed with the radio, pointed out landmarks...and then cheerfully informed the young drivers that they'd just missed a stop sign or taken out a road cone. POINT MADE. It was a hoot.

Then it was time for what we'd all been waiting for: The SKID CARS. We'd been watching the pro drivers spin out and skid the specially-customized Mustangs all over the Cellular Field parking lot all morning, and it just looked like a lot of fun.

The Mustangs were specially fitted with casters which took a great deal of the weight off the rear wheels, making the cars much more prone to skid in a turn.

Our next instructor, one of my favorites, did a fantastic job of explaining the physics of a skid in terms that the teenagers (and myself) could easily understand. I especially appreciated his detailed discussion of "target fixation," the phenomena which occurs when, instead of concentrating on where we're trying to direct our vehicle, we visually "fixate" on the object we're trying to avoid...which, ironically, makes us all the more likely to have a collision with that very object.

I was very impressed by all the professional drivers at work on this morning--they were cheerful, accessible, helpful, and very easy to understand. Also, they all had rockin' shades.

Alex and I exercised remarkable restraint in not shoving any of the kids aside to get our turn to drive one of the skid cars. We waited patiently, like grownups, and then got our chance. Our driver/instructor, who was impossibly young, was personable and fun. His name was David Bahr, and you can even check out his website. He showed us the basics of handling the car, then all too abruptly announced that it was MY turn. You know, to go too fast around the turn, so that I'd spin out, so that I could then try to correct the vehicle, pull out of the skid, and stay on the course.

I have to tell you, this exercise was very difficult for me to even attempt. Being a single gal with horses to tow and dogs to carry to shows for most of my adult life, I've only ever owned SUVs and pickup trucks. And if there's one thing that I'm cautious to the point of paranoia about in driving those vehicles, it is most definitely that you DO NOT NEGOTIATE TURNS AT SPEED, because that will cause your SUV or pickup truck to TURN OVER. David had to encourage me pretty vigorously to "accelerate into the turn!" To which I would answer, "I don't want to!"

Ultimately, though, I got up my nerve enough to let 'er rip (if David is reading this, I assure you that he is laughing his HEAD off at MY interpretation of "letting 'er rip,"), and felt the rear end of the Mustang sliding away from me, to the outside. My instinctive response? I let go of the wheel. This is not the right answer, for those of you following along at home. By "let go," I don't mean that I threw my hands up in the air or anything, just that I released my grip on the steering wheel enough so that it slid freely through my grasp of its own volition, until it reached the "home" position in which the wheels were straight. This tactic totally works... if you're going 3 miles per hour. But at skidding speed? Not so much. So my first attempt had me facing back the way I'd come, which is not what you want. But the next few times, I conquered that bugaboo, and manually corrected the wheel as David had instructed. I did not "target fixate," which kind of surprised me, because when I'd been outside the car, I'd been hyper-aware of all the nearby lampposts scattered between the skid courses, and was sure I'd be sliding into at least one of them, or, worse yet, another car.

But here's what I did NOT see coming, and herein lies the value of an opportunity like this, an opportunity to have a "controlled accident:" All through my skids, even the corrections, my tendency was to NEVER TAKE MY FOOT OFF THE GAS. That's right, something in my brain thought it would be a good idea to just keep on accelerating through the entire process. David had to say, "stop," every single time before I'd remember to brake. That, folks, was a rude awakening, and something I never would have guessed to be a problem. David informed us that it was a common accident response, because of adrenalin, tension, and inexperience (and really, how many of us are "experienced" at having--or avoiding--accidents?).

I'd also like to thank David for his take on one of my personal little pet peeves of driving instruction, which is the advice to "steer into the skid." That phrase, to me, is deceptive, and what I've always said to myself (and what my dad said to me long, long ago when teaching me to drive) instead, is, "steer in the direction you want the car to go." David said it that way, and it made ever so much more sense than "steer into the skid." He also pointed out the many things that come after "steer into the skid," chief among them the fact that, at some point, you have to STOP. So thanks, David--it was educational and fun, and I learned a lot, even if I'm old enough to be your...um, let's say "cool aunt," OK?

In another little gem of unconventional wisdom, the female race driver we rode with in another session informed us that, in her opionion, the "10:00 and 2:00" position of your hands on the steering wheel doesn't give you nearly the control that you get at 9:00 and 3:00. I've got a feeling that you could take lessons from these drivers for weeks on end and keep learning new things. I know I'd LIKE to.

And then, for our trouble, Ford gave us this sweet, sweet car. Cool, huh?

I'm KIDDING. They gave us a nice lunch. Which Alex and I skipped in favor of a visit to Giordano's before our flight out.

If you'd like more information about Ford's Driving Skills For Life program (I know I, for one, would like to know how to get them to come to MY hometown), follow the links in this post, or leave a comment here, and I'll make sure the right person sees it. This is a company that has always been on the forefront of driver safety research and development, and I found them to be quite open and responsive. Thanks to the Ford Motor Fund for giving us the opportunity to learn more about this great program for teens.

Click here to see my full photo set from this trip.

Highly Recommended

I'm breaking my own rule about foods packaged in single servings, but this is so good I'll make an exception. And although I am following the Weight Watchers program right now, and doing well, I'm not normally a huge fan of Weight Watchers brand packaged foods, for various reasons. This cream cheese is a standout product, though.

I'm going to eat cream cheese anyway, so it makes sense to seek out the best one for my caloric budget. This one is closer in fat content to "real" cream cheese than it is to standard light or fat-free versions, but that's why it tastes so good, with a texture that matches "the real thing" pretty closely. There are 5 grams of fat in a 60-calorie serving, but Weight Watchers has done that trickly little thing they do where they add fiber (in this case in the form of inulin, a fiber source derived from chicory root) to a food to lower its "point" value. A 1-point snack with fat and protein is fairly hard to come by, so this cream cheese is a good part of my dietary intake. To elevate it into a light meal or heavy snack, I like to spread it on a toasted whole-grain bagel, and sprinkle dry-roasted sunflower seeds on top for crunch (and more protein, good fat, and fiber). The cream cheese/sunflower seed combo also makes a really nice addition to a turkey sandwich.

I can say, from experience: GO EASY ON THE FOODS WITH ADDED INULIN. You want most of your fiber to come from the actual food it's found in, not from supplementation. One serving of Weight Watchers cream cheese a day is plenty. That said, there's nothing on this product's ingredients panel that causes me to run screaming for the hills.

John Deere Green...With Envy

There are lots of things I lust after, and wantwantWANT. The new Sony HD Handycam. A MacBook. Actual grown-up luggage. Furniture that nobody else owned before me (seriously, I'm over 40 now, and my bed is the only piece of furniture in my house that's not a hand-me-down...I'm not "on track," am I?). Multiple sets of sheets and towels, so that I'm not always washing them. Spare time. A maid service.

But there is something that stops me in my tracks and causes me very nearly to drool in public. It's shiny and gorgeous. It's not jewelry--it's better. It's a lawn tractor. A JOHN DEERE lawn tractor.

This is another thing that I've never owned new, but it hasn't ever mattered. My dad's John Deere hand-me-downs have held up beautifully for many, many years. I've replaced a couple of seats, and in one case a hood, and I usually have to have it serviced once a year, but the thing just goes and goes and goes. I know people with John Deere tractors that are 20 or more years old, and showing no sign of slowing.

So I'm waiting, and hoping that the price on this super-fantastic lawn tractor drops at the same time our current one shuffles off this mortal coil. And if anyone has an in at John Deere, hook me up, wouldja?

Don't Wait On Storm Repairs

Early this year, tornadoes whipped through Arkansas (as they have several times since then), doing major damage to many, many structures. Although our home sits down in what we like to call a "holler," part of our property is more elevated and in a clearing, and so is subject to high winds. It's in that part of the property that our "shop" building is located. In the storm cycle I've mentioned, we lost almost every shingle on the west side of the building, and the roof began to leak.



Obviously, this had to be repaired, but the estimate for repair was $2100, which we simply didn't have. Our homeowner's insurance wasn't a whole lot of help, since our deductible is $1500. So we were preparing to do what so many of our neighbors were doing with their homes, which was to effect a homemade rain-barrier made of tarps and sandbags and try to save up the money needed for repair.

But a couple of things happened around this time which were serendipitous, and allowed us to learn from the experience. First, we got our income tax refund, which was around $1100. Lesson: always file your tax return as early as possible. Second, we got a break from a roofing company for being willing to have our repair done right away--it seems that our job was small enough that they could fit it between two larger jobs, which made it more cost-effective for the roofing company. This saved us around $1,000, making the cost of the repair just about equal to the amount of our tax refund. Lesson: Even if it means sacrificing other things, make repairs in a timely manner if at all possible. We also saved a little money by going with a readily available shingle (in a different, but compatible, color) instead of waiting on delivery of the shingle that was previously on our roof. Lesson: Be flexible.



On the one hand, it stunk that we weren't able to use our income tax refund on some other things we needed. On the other hand, we were very thankful that we HAD the income tax refund when our roof blew off.

Healthy Grocery Shopping With Coupons IS Possible

I've posted on this topic before, and I'm still at it. I get a lot of questions about couponing and store sales, and one of the most common is, "But aren't coupons always for highly-processed junk food? I try to eat healthy, so I can't really save money on groceries."

The short answer is, yes, most coupons are for crap. But your store sales will usually have lots of good deals on the "outer perimeter" of the store, where the nutritionally dense foods tend to be--your meats, produce, grains, dairy. And, believe it or not, many coupons are for staples that are not frozen pizza and cupcakes, and you can make the most of those. So, to answer all the, "What do you buy with your couponing?" questions, here are some recent examples. I shoot for an average of 60% savings, which I usually meet when averaging trips. In the examples below, two of the receipts showed around 53-55% savings, while the other got darn close to 70% saved.

Click on the pictures for notes and a closer look.

On this trip, the receipt total was $109, and once I'd applied my coupons to the store sales, I paid $53 for all this food, plus a couple of things that didn't get pictured because Alex had already taken them downstairs to the freezer in the basement. Here was the haul:

Wonton wrappers
Nature's Own Double Fiber Wheat bread
Several cans of store-brand veggies
Couple cans of Dole pineapple
T. Marzetti Fat-Free Ranch veggie dip
Fresh asparagus
Fiber One bars, 6 boxes
Milk & Cereal bars for Bella, 3 boxes
Organic carrots
Black table grapes
Packaged tart apple slices for Bella
2 Freschetta 4-cheese pizzas
10 Banquet chicken pot-pies for Bella (they're very small)
15 pounds boneless, skinless chicken breast, great sale price (these I opened, repackaged into single-meal size servings, and vacuum sealed and froze, so now we have enough chicken for 7 meals)

Yes, there are some prepared foods there (breakfast bars, bread, veggie dip), but also plenty of "real" food to show for that trip, where I paid for less than half of my groceries. It can be done. Next:

This trip included a good few non-grocery items, which, if you're paying attention, can REALLY save you some dough. This was the trip where, but for that roast, I'd have broken the 70% saved mark. As it was, this was $216 worth of food, for which I paid $74. YES. Here was the take:

14 cans Healthy Choice vegetable soup for one, for my lunches
5 boxes Kelloggs Frosted Flakes Gold, for Bella (I know, cereal, ewww)
20 Yoplait YO+ digestive health yogurts
5 Lloyd's barbecue chicken & beef (tasty and lean)
10 lbs. Riceland brown rice
1 bunch bananas (sliced & frozen for use in smoothies)
White seedless grapes
Frozen strawberries
7 boxes Garnier Nutrisse haircolor, MY actual preferred brand
7 Gillette Fusion Hydragel shave gel
2 boxes bandages
1 roll bandaging tape
3lb. English beef roast

It may look crazy to buy 7 boxes of haircolor or shave gel at a time, but look at it this way: You're going to need these things (well, I am, anyway) sometime, and if you wait until you run out, you're likely to have to pay full price. In the case of the haircolor, that would have been a $6-8 difference PER BOX. So you can see, it pays to stockpile while the sales are on, especially if you can combine those sales with coupons.

This trip, today's, was what we call a "cherry-picking" trip, in which, outside of my actual needs, I was ONLY buying things that were deeply discounted due to the combination of store sales and my coupons. What did I NEED when I went into the store? I needed bread and juice. That's it. And those things were not on sale, so they threw of my percentages somewhat, but that's OK. Here's what $99 bought me (the ticket total was $206):

3 bags Baked! Lays potato chips (shut up, they make my lunches sufferable, all 14 of them at a time)
1 large bottle pomegranate-blueberry juice (the base of my berry smoothies)
6 bags Kraft string cheese
10 boxes Orville Redenbacher light popcorn (*sighs* for Act II Kettle Corn)
4 packs Huggies wipes, for the car
6 tubs Kan-Doo pop-up wipes for Bella's bathroom
6 bags Welch's dried fruit
1/2 gallon Florida's Natural orange juice
10 Glade jar air-freshening candles (what--you don't stink?)
2lbs white seedless grapes, for the freezer
2 loaves Nature's Own Honey Wheat bread, for Alex
1 loaf Nature's Own Double Fiber Wheat bread, for me
48 Fiber One Yoplait yogurts. That's right, 48. Stored in the basement fridge until I finish the current stock of Activia and YO+ I already have.

You may be wondering things like, "Where's the veggies? Where's the milk?" Well, I already have pretty good stores of most things, and I even freeze milk when it's on sale--it thaws just fine, good as new. Cheese also freezes well, as does bread. And we buy MOST of our vegetable frozen, which actually means that you're usually getting a fresher product than by buying "fresh" produce, since frozen veggies are flash-frozen on the spot shortly after being picked, instead of being shipped from wherever they're harvested to your grocery store.

The meat that we feed our dogs, and most of our own meat, we get from a small, wonderful, local butcher, where we're able to pick it up on the day the cow is processed (the only do one cow at a time), and it actually winds up costing less than grocery-store meat.

And of course, our larders are full-to-bursting with canned goods, pastas, rice, and beans.

The only thing I can add is that I AM now using The Grocery Game, which only became available in my area this year. I can't say that it saves me more money than what I was managing to save going it alone, but it saves me HOURS of time, which is worth a lot.

So...any questions?

Superbowl Commercials And Hulu.com

Not enough, apparently. Which is surprising, considering my hatred for the Quiznos "Baby Bob" spots of a few years ago. This is just done SO much better, and by someone with a really great eye for comedic timing. Plus, these spots actually made me visit ETrade's website, which is the idea, right?





P.S. Have I ever mentioned how much I love hulu? I LOVE HULU.

Victoria & Albert's Restaurant, Disney World

I decided to finish journaling our Disney vacation from December, when I stopped after just posting about the first two days. You are thrilled to hear this. No, you ARE.

That Sunday happened to be Alex's and my wedding anniversary. Seven years, and I'm not even itchy. How 'bout that? Let's observe a moment of silent wonder and appreciation at what the two of us have come through, and that we are, in fact, more or less happily married still. Done? OK.

Alex's delightful mother (honestly--I feel like the luckiest woman alive, because I not only have a fantastic mother, but a fantastic mother-in-LAW...it seems greedy), who is something of a Disney World expert, having made several trips with grandchildren before, had, months ago, made reservations for Alex and I at the very posh Victoria & Albert's restaurant. You might be wondering why that name sounds familiar, and it's because it was recently in the news for officially "banning" children under the age of 10. My input on this is that no one with half sense would bring a young child to a 3-hour, 7+ course meal, but that's just me. There may be people who also like poking themselves in the eyes with mechanical pencils, but I'm not one of them.

Victoria & Albert's is a AAA 5-diamond restaurant, and you get a feel for what's in store right up front, when they present you with your very own, pre-printed keepsake menus.

Intimidating, much? Well, yeah, you could say that. Let me take a moment and share a little secret about fancypants dining, especially 3-hour-long seatings of gourmet meals in places that are so dignified and quiet that you can hear OTHER people breathing, despite the soft harp music: Gentlemen, as you sit normally in your upholstered chair, in your coat and tie, supported by the seat back comfortably, and enjoying your meal, APPRECIATE the fact that the lady in your company is perched on the edge of her own chair, holding herself ramrod-straight, because, in the female version of "semi-formal" dress, well...we just must. There is no leaning back in our chairs, because that would make us look decidedly unladylike, and there is CERTAINLY no slumping. I can honestly say that the only not-entirely-positive thing about this amazing meal was the ache in my back and shoulders by the time it was over. But you can overcome a lot of pain with the right amount of gourmet cheese and/or chocolate ganache.

When people keep asking my why I'm persisting in my attempts at learning how to cook duck, I tell them it's because of this dish.

That is walnut oil seared duck with hearts of palm, huckleberry vinaigrette, and Fourme D'Ambert foundue. And it was DIVINE. Well, everything we had was divine. I don't even recall what Alex had while I was eating this, BUT, I do know what he had next, because he would not shut up about it for DAYS. He had pan-roasted foie gras with Fuji apples and Mostarda di Cremona, and it came in this funky dish:

This is just not something I can eat, because the flavor of the liver and the taste of the insanely high fat content are just too strong for me. Alex could not believe that anyone would be so dense as to pass up this delicacy, and declared it to be "possibly the best thing [he had] ever eaten." While he was doing that, I was minding my own business over on my side of the table, with a festival of mushrooms and truffles, more formally known as ballotine of poulet rouge with chicken consomme', Scottish Chanterelles and black truffles. Also known, immediately upon serving, as IN MAH BELLEH.

Now, here is where things took a typical turn, for us. As you might well imagine, service up to this point had taken a good hour or more, and our supply of genteel manners was running on the lowish side. The stuffiness of the restaurant was starting to seem less serious, and more funny. This is dangerous, if you're out with us. Fortunately, we had only each other's images to damage. Naturally, my highly-sophisticated husband waited until I had taken a sip of the mellowest iced-tea ever, sweetened with honey collected from highly-sophisticated bees, to lean over and whisper conspiratorily, "Oops...got a little goose-grease on my tie, there." Composure: BLOWN. Thanks, Honey.

I blame myself, partially, because on our way to the restaurant, I'd dared Alex to sit down, look over the menu, and then ask the server, "Y'all got any nachos back'ere?" which of course he wouldn't do. But once the ice was broken with the goose-grease remark, the flood-gates were open, so to speak (and with mixed metaphors, even). I also blame the butter, because I think it made us a little stoned. I'm not kidding. This butter they had--it was naturally cultured butter from Vermont cows, cows which I imagine spend a lot of time getting spa treatments and dining on alfalfa cakes and drinking spring water, because only INSANELY HAPPY COWS could have produced the milk that made that butter, and therefore there must have been some sort of giddy endorphins buttering our bread that night. In fact, we discussed the truth that on this occasion, the bread was merely serving as a butter-delivery system, and had there been spoons on the table between courses, we'd have likely skipped the bread altogether and just mainlined the butter.

We did manage to get through the fish course (turbot for Alex, Alaskan sablefish for me), but the delay between that and the meat course left way too much time on our hands and way too much "material" for Alex to riff on. Probably my favorite exchange of the evening had to do with the lovely harp music, which was being played right next to our table by a lovely lady. It began during a particularly heartfelt rendition of "Lo, How A Rose E'er Blooming," with Alex once again leaning over to whisper to me.

Alex: "How much you reckon I'd have to tip her to get her to play 'Turkey In The Straw?'"

Me: (laughing) "I don't know, but for a heavy tip, you'd want to get your money's worth--something like 'Dueling Banjos.'"

We paused, locked eyes, and had minor meltdowns as we imagined the opening strains of "Dueling Banjos" being played on a harp. Go ahead--imagine that. It's FUNNY.

We hummed softly together, until we got to the "busy" part of the song, and I allowed that at that point, it was probably a moot question.

Me: "No, I don't think one harpist could do that part by herself--there's too much going on."

Alex: (without missing a nanosecond of a beat) "Oh, well, she'd have to rare back and kick her shoes off, for sure."

And then we LOST IT. For quite some time. And were not again settled until the arrival of some steak that demanded serious attention. Alex had Kobe beef tenderloin with smoked garlic puree, and while that garlic/potato puree tasted like it had been prepared earlier that day by angels in heaven, my Kansas City Angus beef with caramelized Yukon Gold potatoes was, in my opinion, WAY better. Great galloping kumquats, but it was good.

After the steak, Alex was the wise soul who ordered the cheese plate for our next course, and I'm grateful to him for not stabbing me with a cheese fork as I pilfered from his plate, because I'm not sure I'd have shown the same restraint, were our situations reversed. There were five amazing cheeses, but the highlights were the Comte' Saint Antoine, the 4-year aged Gouda, which transcended all Goudas that ever came before it, and the melt-in-your-mouth Cabra al Vino, which I believe is the one we were told translated as "drunken goat." Listen to me, all ye people who raise milk-goats and make cheese: START GETTING YOUR GOATS DRUNK ON WINE IMMEDIATELY. That was the most incredible cheese ever.

Just when we were almost ready to die, we were served our desserts, which had been in the making since the beginning of our meal. Alex had a Grand Marnier souffle', which I'm sure was perfectly wonderful, but I really wouldn't know, since I was occupied having the chocolate version of an LSD trip, with my trio of chocolate desserts: Tanzanian chocolate pyramid, Hawaiian Kona chocolate souffle', and Peruvian chocolate ice cream and puff pastry.

And yes, the apex of that sweet little pyramid is topped with 24k gold. I am now worth slightly more than I was before I ate it.

The only thing I can add about this meal is that, even if you don't particularly care for coffee (I don't), if you're ever offered coffee that is brewed at your table in one of these contraptions:

By all means, HAVE SOME. Wow. I am now of the opinion that all coffee should be prepared in a flame-powered vacuum percolator. Gotta get me one of those. And some of those wonderful little pear/mint/ginger sugared cubes that were served to top off the meal.

Victoria & Albert's sent us on our way, a little over three hours after we'd arrived, with a long-stemmed rose and a loaf of apricot breakfast-bread, stuffed to the gills with good food and memories of a special occasion. It's an experience I'd highly recommend, though if you're easily embarrassed, I'd suggest not taking us along. The really good news on this night was that the restaurant is located at the Grand Floridian Resort & Spa, which is where we happened to be staying, so we only had to waddle a short distance before we could fall into bed and try not to die of instant-onset gout. SO WORTH IT.

The Continuing Moisturizer & Make-Up Chronicles

Because you totally did. I'm still in the honeymoon stage with my new Prescriptives products, and Philosophy is still on probation, so I'm not ready to make any firm pronunciations on how I feel about things. Also, I've decided that I need to get back on The Magic Oil That Heals All Ills, and try to treat this uber-dry situation from the inside as well as the outside, so I want to give that another month and then re-evaluate. But because you, Internets, are some pesky buggers, let's just go on and paste our big red naked face all over the tubes. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

See what we're dealing with, here? No, that is not acne or a form of rash. It's just what I mean when I say, "My skin is DRY." My skin is DESSICATED. If you've ever gone snow-skiing, and had a really bad windburn? It is just like that. All the time. Also, somewhere, my mother and especially my grandmother are DYING RIGHT NOW. Also, see that weird face I'm making, where it looks like I may have had a slight stroke, and one eyebrow is up and one eye is wider than the other one, and how I should never be making that face, ever? Well, get used to it, because I'll be doing it again.

Oh, that picture was right out of the shower, and after I'd applied Philosophy "When Hope Is Not Enough" moisturizer, and let it absorb for maybe 3 minutes. Next, I applied the ridiculously-named "Magic Illuminating Liquid Potion," from Prescriptives. I suppose "Sparkly Green-Tinted Lotion" wouldn't sell as well. See the sparkles?

Already, I am uncomfortable, because if there is one thing I do not like in my beauty products, it is sparkle. I am a matte kind of girl. But in for a penny, in for a pound, as they say.

Here I am after applying the sparkly (I'm sorry, Firefox Spellcheck, but I am NOT going to spell that word "sparkley," because in my head it only has two syllables; I am not pronouncing it "sparkle-ee") lotion. I'm already more shiny than I like to be, plus I'm obviously imagining that someone is kicking all the puppies of the world, AND I am rehearsing for my celebrity mug-shot, as well. The left eye has calmed down a bit, but that eyebrow is still looking like it might go renegade. While seeing these pictures on the interwebs, my mother's probably OK by now, but my grandmother is still DYING.

On a serious note, the redness does seem to have abated a little, doesn't it? And that effect got stronger after it absorbed a bit more. But onward, ever onward, to what I told you was The Darkest Foundation I've Ever Purchased In My Life, and...

Yeah. Still pale--oh, excuse me, I mean fair--as can be, but without the ruddiness glowing through from beneath, like when Rudolph's jerk of a dad rubbed bootblack or whatever on Rudolph's nose to keep it from glowing, and it always rubbed off and made Jerk-Santa say, "SHAME ON YOU" for producing a freak-fawn to Rudolph's dad. I may be reading too much into this at this point, but as you can see, it's a painful subject. Oh, yeah: This is Prescriptives "Virtual Youth Lifting Moisture Makeup," a name which bothers me not only because it is FIVE words on a tiny little bottle, but also because that is a jumble of adverbs and adjectives (not to mention another noun) used to describe a noun, and it offends me. I'm sure the marketing team at Prescriptives just felt a disturbance in The Force. Crazy eye back, grandmother likely breathing into a bag but doing better.

And this is where we get into the very, VERY bizarre Prescriptives "Magic Liquid Powder." The name is better, and it fits, because unless you are an alchemist, this stuff IS magic. Mainly because while it is CLEARLY powder, when you apply it, it is a liquid. And then it finishes dry. Hey, I'm just giving you the facts. A week later, I still have not gotten the hang of applying this product. It should come with detailed instructions. I had no idea how much was enough, or how much was too much, although I DID have a decent Popeye impression going by this time. For real--WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH MY FACE?

Also, I am hypnotizing you from this picture. You will each send me $10 toward a MacBook Air, or I will come put my sparkly white face VERY CLOSE TO YOU. Better make it $20; readership has fallen off lately. Plus I'll need some extra for my Grandmom's new heart medication, because she is trying to figure out how to delete these pictures from her own computer right now.

And just to see how very far off I was with the tone of my previous powder, here is old and new side-by-side: way-too-pinkish old stuff on the left, new witchcraft powder-liquid stuff on the right.

And here we are all finished with the face now, and taking a split-second to breathe before tackling hair and wardrobe. Grandmom, you can breathe again.

Again--there is more shiny here than I like, but it's better than blotchy and red, so at this point, I'm taking it. And makeup apparently eases my chronic Spaz-face.

I'm still having trouble with breakthrough dryness. In other words, after a while, all the moisture I applied to my skin when I started is fully absorbed, and the surface smoothness gives way. But it does last for a little while, and even when it starts to go, you still have to be pretty close to see it. I think. Here's a picture Bella took from the backseat of the car about 2 hours later, in more natural light (though she insists on using the flash), and when I hadn't touched anything up.

As you can see, the cure for red and splotchy is obviously green and sparkly. Wouldn't be my first choice, but it's better than what I had going on before.

So, I'm adding the essential fatty acid supplement (and figuring out how what effect that has on my caloric intake, so I don't stop losing weight), giving it another month, and reevaluating at that time. So far, I'm optimistic about both the Philosophy moisturizer (which, yes, for the ingredient list, is WAY overpriced) and the Prescriptives voodoo. We shall watch, and wait. But not post any more pictures like this for a long while.

And now? I DARE YOU to do this same thing with your beauty regimen. Chicken.

The Challenge of Post-Hysterectomy Dry Skin

We've talked about it before. It's dry. Like, CRAZY dry, especially in a state with near-constant 99% humidity. I conducted an informal poll on this space a while back, and the most common answer I got from my cohorts in dry skin was to recommend "Hope In A Jar," by Philosophy. So I got some. And because I decided my skin was WAY drier than what these people were describing, I also got an ounce of "When Hope Is Not Enough," which is hardcore. They won me over to this product by suggesting I needed it if the "skin on [my] face feels two sizes too small." BINGO. I also got Philosophy's "Purity" cleanser.

I've been using the Philosophy regimen that so many people recommended when I polled (for about a month, now), so figured it was time to try and do something about this ruddy, wind-burned-appearing complexion of mine that has appeared since my hysterectomy last year at age 40. Like get some makeup on it--something that would make my face the same color/tone as the rest of my skin. So I asked around the Internets, as I am wont to do.

I do believe that Prescriptives was originally Susan's suggestion, and she is usually right about these things (plus a dozen or so folks backed her up on it). Anyway, when Mom and I were at the mall today, I bit the bullet and let someone smear some stuff on my face and see what stuck, so to speak.

The "Magic Illuminating Liquid Potion" (OVERKILL, MUCH, PRESCRIPTIVES?) really does seem like magic. It's a red-neutralizing lotion. It moisturizes, and when you dab it on your skin, it "erases" a lot of redness. Not by "curing" or getting rid of it, but by disguising it with green, that somehow looks perfectly natural. Honest.

Next you apply the "Virtual Youth Lifting Moisture Makeup" with "Luminous Finish, Medium to Full Coverage." The reason I went with this one is because it had the most moisture in it. My skin is in NO danger of breakouts, but is hideously dry, like my hair, since my hysterectomy. This is the darkest foundation I have ever purchased in my life, but somehow, it matches my skin-tone perfectly. Turns out that I was just buying lighter and lighter makeup, trying to disguise the redness, which was a futile pursuit.

Finally, we have the "Magic Liquid Powder," which is your finishing powder. It's very subtle, but this stuff has almost a greenish tinge to it, which further eradicates a ruddy/red appearance in your skin. And "liquid powder?" Well, it sounds crazy, but I swear--it's powder when you put it on your brush, and as you apply it, somehow, it gets liquid. But it gives a clean finish. Don't ask me. All I know is that I spent more on these three products, JUST for foundation, than I normally would on all of my makeup put together. But I'm desperate.

If the skincare regimen and/or this makeup works for me, I'll be letting you know, so that if you have the dry, dry, red face, you can try it! If I get brave, I might even post pictures with half my face treated and the other half "raw," which is certainly how it LOOKS. Maybe. Don't hold me to it.