The Continuing Moisturizer & Make-Up Chronicles

Because you totally did. I'm still in the honeymoon stage with my new Prescriptives products, and Philosophy is still on probation, so I'm not ready to make any firm pronunciations on how I feel about things. Also, I've decided that I need to get back on The Magic Oil That Heals All Ills, and try to treat this uber-dry situation from the inside as well as the outside, so I want to give that another month and then re-evaluate. But because you, Internets, are some pesky buggers, let's just go on and paste our big red naked face all over the tubes. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

See what we're dealing with, here? No, that is not acne or a form of rash. It's just what I mean when I say, "My skin is DRY." My skin is DESSICATED. If you've ever gone snow-skiing, and had a really bad windburn? It is just like that. All the time. Also, somewhere, my mother and especially my grandmother are DYING RIGHT NOW. Also, see that weird face I'm making, where it looks like I may have had a slight stroke, and one eyebrow is up and one eye is wider than the other one, and how I should never be making that face, ever? Well, get used to it, because I'll be doing it again.

Oh, that picture was right out of the shower, and after I'd applied Philosophy "When Hope Is Not Enough" moisturizer, and let it absorb for maybe 3 minutes. Next, I applied the ridiculously-named "Magic Illuminating Liquid Potion," from Prescriptives. I suppose "Sparkly Green-Tinted Lotion" wouldn't sell as well. See the sparkles?

Already, I am uncomfortable, because if there is one thing I do not like in my beauty products, it is sparkle. I am a matte kind of girl. But in for a penny, in for a pound, as they say.

Here I am after applying the sparkly (I'm sorry, Firefox Spellcheck, but I am NOT going to spell that word "sparkley," because in my head it only has two syllables; I am not pronouncing it "sparkle-ee") lotion. I'm already more shiny than I like to be, plus I'm obviously imagining that someone is kicking all the puppies of the world, AND I am rehearsing for my celebrity mug-shot, as well. The left eye has calmed down a bit, but that eyebrow is still looking like it might go renegade. While seeing these pictures on the interwebs, my mother's probably OK by now, but my grandmother is still DYING.

On a serious note, the redness does seem to have abated a little, doesn't it? And that effect got stronger after it absorbed a bit more. But onward, ever onward, to what I told you was The Darkest Foundation I've Ever Purchased In My Life, and...

Yeah. Still pale--oh, excuse me, I mean fair--as can be, but without the ruddiness glowing through from beneath, like when Rudolph's jerk of a dad rubbed bootblack or whatever on Rudolph's nose to keep it from glowing, and it always rubbed off and made Jerk-Santa say, "SHAME ON YOU" for producing a freak-fawn to Rudolph's dad. I may be reading too much into this at this point, but as you can see, it's a painful subject. Oh, yeah: This is Prescriptives "Virtual Youth Lifting Moisture Makeup," a name which bothers me not only because it is FIVE words on a tiny little bottle, but also because that is a jumble of adverbs and adjectives (not to mention another noun) used to describe a noun, and it offends me. I'm sure the marketing team at Prescriptives just felt a disturbance in The Force. Crazy eye back, grandmother likely breathing into a bag but doing better.

And this is where we get into the very, VERY bizarre Prescriptives "Magic Liquid Powder." The name is better, and it fits, because unless you are an alchemist, this stuff IS magic. Mainly because while it is CLEARLY powder, when you apply it, it is a liquid. And then it finishes dry. Hey, I'm just giving you the facts. A week later, I still have not gotten the hang of applying this product. It should come with detailed instructions. I had no idea how much was enough, or how much was too much, although I DID have a decent Popeye impression going by this time. For real--WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH MY FACE?

Also, I am hypnotizing you from this picture. You will each send me $10 toward a MacBook Air, or I will come put my sparkly white face VERY CLOSE TO YOU. Better make it $20; readership has fallen off lately. Plus I'll need some extra for my Grandmom's new heart medication, because she is trying to figure out how to delete these pictures from her own computer right now.

And just to see how very far off I was with the tone of my previous powder, here is old and new side-by-side: way-too-pinkish old stuff on the left, new witchcraft powder-liquid stuff on the right.

And here we are all finished with the face now, and taking a split-second to breathe before tackling hair and wardrobe. Grandmom, you can breathe again.

Again--there is more shiny here than I like, but it's better than blotchy and red, so at this point, I'm taking it. And makeup apparently eases my chronic Spaz-face.

I'm still having trouble with breakthrough dryness. In other words, after a while, all the moisture I applied to my skin when I started is fully absorbed, and the surface smoothness gives way. But it does last for a little while, and even when it starts to go, you still have to be pretty close to see it. I think. Here's a picture Bella took from the backseat of the car about 2 hours later, in more natural light (though she insists on using the flash), and when I hadn't touched anything up.

As you can see, the cure for red and splotchy is obviously green and sparkly. Wouldn't be my first choice, but it's better than what I had going on before.

So, I'm adding the essential fatty acid supplement (and figuring out how what effect that has on my caloric intake, so I don't stop losing weight), giving it another month, and reevaluating at that time. So far, I'm optimistic about both the Philosophy moisturizer (which, yes, for the ingredient list, is WAY overpriced) and the Prescriptives voodoo. We shall watch, and wait. But not post any more pictures like this for a long while.

And now? I DARE YOU to do this same thing with your beauty regimen. Chicken.